To most of us The American Dream is to reach a level of contentment and satisfaction with what you do, where you live, and with whom you share your life.  Sounds awefully like a most basic human wish for quality of life.  However, what the myth of the American Dream often tells us is to dream Big, want Big, and live Big.  So, when that actually happens as when you have reached that top level, professionally and financially, and you can buy that big house and sleek car and provide the best education for your children, then the myth tells us, you have realized the American Dream.  

Therefore, for the rest of us, who do not reach the top level but perhaps stay somewhere in the middle or even more towards the bottom, the question remains: if we cannot reach the mythical American Dream, can we perhaps reach the basic Human Dream? The one that brings us to a level of contentment and satisfaction with what we do, where we live, and with whom we share our lives?  Of course, we can!  The difficulty is to leave the myth out of reality and find and accept the level of contentment that means quality of life for you.  What makes you happy may not necessarily be the Big stuff but smaller stuff like a walk on the beach, a drive to the woods, a cup of coffee with a friend, a good book, or writing a blog.  Whatever it is, let it fill up your life.

This music video of J.S. Bach's "Little" Fugue (G minor, BWV 578) is a testament to sound and pattern; how sound is visualized in pattern and therefore, how seemingly random musical notes, being heard as sounds (for me this experience is random, as I have no knowledge of writing music) in actuality do perform a certain pattern.  

This is so beautiful, because to me in this short video art and science are brought together and interact harmoniously.  In fact, perhaps it is time to invent a new word that will define art and science at once.  In this video music (art) and pattern (science) compliment each other; the listening to music is to recognize rhythm and to immerse into a seemingly random world of sounds, and the observing of different colored and sized lines is to recognize a pattern that means a certain structure is behind these aforementioned sounds.  What this does is to reveal how seemingly random is not really truly at random.  Obviously, we are dealing with a closed set here; a short piece of music; a pattern that represents the sounds; and therefore, the overview of the interplay between the art and science is manageable, neatly tied together in one small package.

So, the question is: does this interplay take place in a larger world, as for instance the human world, but because this world is so large, for all we know, we cannot see it?

Killer question, isn't it?

 The term New Beginnings is an interesting one: can beginnings be old or used?  In fact, they can, because often, when we launch a new beginning it turns out to be an old one or a used one, albeit in a new disguise.  Therefore, the question is: does beginnings exist?  Can we start something anew as a story line does in a book, or are we merely seduced by the idea of a time line that has a beginning and an end?  When we are born, our life starts, and when we die, our life ends; that is common knowledge and common belief.  

However, while living, how do new beginnings work?  A new beginning can be a new job, a new place to live, or a new relationship and often, expectations for a new beginning is high, meaning, it will be different from and better than the last one!  Therefore, we use the word new, instead of for example another - another beginning - which immediately reduces the expectations of something different and better.  It is simply another beginning that may turn in any direction: different, same, better, worse, etc., but also another beginning that adds another experience to your life and therefore is beneficial.

So, here's a Happy New Year to everyone (or should we say: happy another year) and cheers to another beginning!

 This has been a year of the virtual community - I have acquired both the iPhone and the MacBook Pro.  Every morning I sit down to connect to my virtual community through Facebook and now also through Twitter.  Having moved to the city from the country this year, my virtual community is at the forefront of my life.  Instead of walking through the rural neighborhood I now walk through my iPhone and Mac to say hello.  It certainly fits with the urban life style!

At the same time, being a writer and an artist, I am tethered to my virtual communities.  I am nothing without an audience; well, I am something: a person writing and painting, but what I do requires listeners and onlookers to enter the dialogue with me.  It is unsatisfactory being in isolation with one's own thoughts and sensibilities; for words and images to take on form and shape, reciprocity is required!  Therefore, I write my blog; I upload my images; I write on my FB wall; and I utter my tweets...whether I see or hear reaction is not important, because in the virtual world connections are formed and shaped invisibly and quietly.

Until 2012 !

 It is November and traditionally the month of giving thanks - and despite coming from a culture where there is no thanksgiving, I have embraced this ritual of saying thank you, especially to my family, each year.  This year, I want to extend my thank yous to further realms of human interaction.

 We are in the middle of serious protest, on many fronts, right here, where I live and where I work: from Occupy Oakland to demonstrating against the dismantling of a stellar public institution, UC Berkeley.  This is serious!  And I feel it in my bones and in my life force; I have a harder time sleeping and a harder time teaching.  There is unrest and violence, right at my door step.

 However, it is hard for me to participate; to go out there to demonstrate; to show solidarity; to be on the front line, but at the same time, it is also hard for me not to speak up.  So, Thank You, to all of you who put your bodies out there: in the tents, in front of police batons; on the soap boxes, and among the human chains!  I hope for change just like you do!

 When are you present?  

Time flies - how is it possible to be present?  Looking to the past, dwelling on experiences and memories or looking into the future, imagining events and dreams coming true, I ask myself:  When am I really present?  Is it possible to be present when time is so hard to ignore?  

I have practiced yoga for twenty years, and it has done wonders for me in regards to feeling present; always, during yoga practice time is suspended.  But afterwards?  When I go back to my life time sneaks back in.  

I am taking sailing lessons and on the water, trying to sail the boat, time is also suspended.  In the classroom when I lecture and have to think about what I'm doing and what I'm saying, time stays in the shadows.  In the studio when I paint I often wish that I could stay in the mode of painting, but time shows its head when I get tired, hungry or have to go to the bathroom.  

When something really captures my attention time disappears and I feel as if I'm totally present.  In other words, when I perform, I am present!  When I write my blog I am present.  Is it possible to always perform?  Now the sense of performance has to be discussed, because it is not every performance that has me forget about time.  Sometimes performance feels like a task; a duty; something I have to do, and then time stays with me - big time!  (no pun intended)  So, I have to like what I am performing, in order to immerse myself into the presence.

Loving what you do makes you present

 September is back-to-school month and for me it means back to teaching.  I teach Reading and Composition to undergraduates at UC Berkeley.  To teach writing means to teach critical thinking and critical reading.  However, the process of teaching is universal and something that we all encounter on a daily basis:  as we navigate situations and learn from experiences we are teaching ourselves how to...

This internal dialogue with ourselves is ongoing and it makes us both the teacher and the student, and when the two work in unison that is, when the student listens and the teacher listens there may be an understanding that moves both ahead.  How difficult this is!  As such we struggle with teaching all the time!  But when I walk into the classroom I am the teacher and the students are the student.  How can we work in unison and reach a mutual understanding?  

Well, the teacher may think:  I need to transfer this knowledge to the student and the student may think:  I need to absorb this knowledge from the teacher, but will a mutual understanding be reached?  If not, both teacher and student will not move ahead.  Therefore, teaching is not about transferring and learning is not about absorbing but about being in dialogue and about listening. This takes time and effort and like any negotiating it is rather demanding.  

Still, I love to teach and I love to be a student.  When I need a break from the mental work of teaching I go for a walk, perhaps on the beach, and I pick up an oyster shell and a rock, and I see that the oyster shell is rough and has sharp edges on the inside, so I use the rock as my tool to smooth out the shell and make it soft to the touch.   

 Last day of August!  My August blog is late...because I have been traveling...to Seattle and to Denmark. I was gone for over five weeks and that is a long time to be gone from my home. Seattle is my other home, because all of my three children plus their children live there, and I enjoy to visit the North West; especially in the summer, at which time this area stands out in breath taking beauty.

However, this year I also travelled to Denmark and it had been four years since I last visited, and my visit before that had also been four years prior. This time I felt a culture clash more vividly; if feeling a culture clash is to feel you do not belong or you do not understand the ways that things are done. However, when scrutinizing my thoughts and feelings I realized that I was still in the Western world, within which democracy and ambition reign side by side. This means that on paper you have equal opportunity but in reality, you are depended on dna, drive and dexterity; in other words, on how well you are equipped.

So, why then do I still feel there is a difference between being in Denmark and being here in the Bay Area? This is a damn good question and one that I'm trying to crack. And the more I think about it, the more I find that culture has more to do with a sense of community and belonging than a shared language or shared traditions. This means that I belong to this community that is called the Bay Area and not the community that is called Denmark. I relate to what is happening here and I do not relate to what is happening in Denmark. I do like to visit though and hang out with friends and family, but I do not belong. 

 Last week I got a tattoo; my first one, fiftysix years into my life.  I had been ruminating the possibility of getting one since my daugther got hers fifteen years ago, but it never seemed to be the right moment, nor did I know what I wanted.  This is crucial: to know what image you want - after all, it sits with you for the rest of your life.  Also, it is important that the timing is right; why now?  

To get a tattoo is the ultimate commitment.  Unlike jewelry and clothes that you can change daily or even relationships that you can start, dump, or renew; to scar your body with a tattoo is a choice of real consequence, so you have to like it!  Therefore, the choice of image is a sign of who you are and what you think...anyway, in my case it is.  I suppose you can merely decorate yourself like you do with jewelry and clothes, but I wanted my tattoo to be of real consequence.

I am at a stage in my life where I know what to do with myself: I have words to write and images to paint and my thinking behind the words and behind the images has to do with Shakespeare's famous saying: Life is a stage.  What we do from cradle to grave is perform; more or less consciously, depending on the situation, and sometimes, we revel in our performance and at other times, we dread it.  But perform we must.  

What I ask of myself is that I perform to my own standards; to my own rhythm; and to my own imagination, because that is when I and the performance become one: the performance is me; I am the performance.  This is not too much to ask.  All I do is listen; listen to what I want to say and listen to what I want to show, and then I do it - I may have to revise, redo and retry, but my commitment is to listen as I perform, and knowing my tattoo sits on my back, reveling and dreading, as I go along, just makes me listen better.

 What is an artist?  A freak; an alien; a selfish bastard; a rebel; an unstoppable lover of beauty, mystery, questions, experiments and indulgence?  So it seems and maybe so; however, what is the drive that makes an artist?  

To quote Denis Dutton from his book, The Art Instinct, 'Human beings are born image-makers and image-enjoyers.'  In his book he argues that our love of art is inborn, and many artistic tastes are universal across cultures, and human tastes in the arts are evolutionary traits, shaped by natural selection.  In other words, we have a need for art just like we have a need for chocolate; and this need becomes part of our welfare and survival.  Dutton continues: 'What philosophy of art needs is an approach that begins by treating art as a field of activities, objects, and experience that appears naturally in human life.'

Then he states 12 points that characterizes art, such as :

direct pleasure; skill and virtuosity; style; novelty and creativity; criticism; representation; special focus; expressive individuality; emotional saturation; intellectual challenge; art traditions and institutions; and finally, but not least, imaginative experience (both for producers and audiences) - and he says: 'All art, in this way, happens in a make-believe world...Artistic experience takes place in the theater of the imagination.'

As an artist I like to create art but equally, I like to experience art and my well-being depends on it; therefore, I find myself more alive within my imagination than within my immediate reality; in fact, my perception of the world is a fantasy that coincides with reality.  The image I have chosen for this blog entry is a self portrait of a physical I that coincides with a fantastical I.

 This is a view out my window from my study in Calistoga - full moon hiding behind the empty branches and the approaching clouds.  The cypress tree looms below the moon creating a human figure that speaks to me; in fact, this image connects completely to my notion of home.  Why? There is light, there is darkness, there are branches that reach out as if they are arms comforting me, and being cradled by arms, light and darkness all at once is the place I call home.  To feel at home I ask for people who reach out to me; people with whom I connect, and I ask to embrace the darkness within me, because it is so rich and so wise, and I ask for the light source that inspires me; that turns me on; and that sustains me.

Now, I am leaving Calistoga - once again - and I'm headed towards a new home - once again - and I ask myself: will I ever settle?  I have lived in more than 25 places in my life of 56 years, and obviously, my notion of home does not belong to a certain place; to a certain soil; or to a certain family heritage.  I branch out, leaving family behind, leaving country behind, leaving familiar culture behind, and I embrace the oncoming unknown.  Perhaps, I do it because with me I carry comforting arms, familiar darkness and unquenchable light.  And perhaps, if I stayed in one place, arms would wilt, darkness would overflow, and light would extinguish.  

What is your notion of home?

 On this Easter Sunday I want to talk about health.  My image is of a flower with petals: a representation of a whole with parts; each part represents an element that is needed for feeling healthy, and thus, as you discover how the different parts of you add up to feeling healthy overall, you bloom like a flower.

The question is: what are your parts?  And my answer is: when do you feel good, really good?  Let me take myself as an example: my parts are made up by how I feel mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually, and I ask myself: when do I feel happy either way?  

Mentally: when writing on my play or when painting, because I am absorbed in the creative process

Physically: when I dance salsa or when I do yoga or when I go for a walk in the hills or by the ocean

Emotionally: when I feel connected to what I do and to the environment I'm in, for instance, when I connect to my students, to my loved ones, to my friends, and to my colleagues, and this is truly how I feel on my own without knowing how the people I'm with feel; whether listening to intuition or deciding consciously, I feel good

Spiritually: when accepting who I am; where I came from; where I'm going; what I can do; what I cannot do

So ask yourself: when do you actually feel good? Where are you? What are you doing? When is this happening? Consciously, ask yourself, but subconsciously, listen! Then your parts will show themselves and form a whole that will sustain you and provide you with good health!

Happy Easter~ or as we say in Danish: God Påske~

 This month I want to talk about tribes - what if we perceived each other as belonging to different tribes?  

 The image is called Woman, and it represents three sisters (my two sisters and I);  I chose to call this oil painting Woman as the three of us besides being three different individuals also belong to the same tribe, that of our family.  Within this one woman (myself) you find several women and that is what I convey through this image.  

 You will find me in my sisters, and you will find me in other tribes such as:  literary tribe, imagery tribe, salsa dancing tribe, yoga tribe, teaching tribe,  and the list goes on and on.  My interests, my skills, my passions are tribal in that I share them with people of the same tribes.  

 Instead of being coined a heterosexual woman, middle aged, white, mother of three, grandmother of three, and wife of a 33 year long marriage, I prefer to be perceived as an artist, writer, teacher, student, dancer, who is constantly curious, culturally fluid, sexually autonomous, and socially adept - in other words, hard to pigeonhole in a traditional sense.  

 To know me is to know my tribes; within each of my tribes I find a sense of community that I know from my family, but being part of numerous tribes I extend my sense of belonging and my notion of identity.  Nothing fixed, but forever fluid.  

 What are your tribes?

Are you seeing red yet?  In my back yard I have Japanese flowering quince...

and i bring branches in doors...

February - month of love, short, but sweet - not wanting to upload you with a ton of clichés on love, I do want to throw this one at you: 

to love or to be loved, that is the difference 

For me, it is easier to love than to be loved - if I am loved, I feel obligated to return the love, because why am I the subject of love?  what can i do to return the favor?  On the other hand, to love my children, my grandchildren, my friends is easy, because I love them for simply being here; for simply being part of my life, in other words, I show them unconditional love.

In any relationship between two people who are romantically involved conditions become part of the picture, which quickly flirts with possession: 'if I do this for you, I expect that from you' and why?  because we are sexually involved?  because we give of our bodies? I would love to know the answer, but like Hamlet's 'to be or not to be, that is the question', will we ever know?

Meanwhile, I enjoy my Japanese flowering quince that do not set fruit but only bloom; perhaps a sign of unconditional love?  

 Faced with another end-of-the-year this is the time to take stock, review the old, anticipate the new, but make it all happen Now!    Is this what resolutions are for?   A place for experiences and dreams to meet up, to dance and to converse?   And in our minds this is possible?   This will create the change we are longing for?   Why is it so hard to make a change?  And I'm talking about a real change, a change that hurts, a change that not only haunts you but also prepares you for more change.  Small changes are easy: I'll rearrange the furniture; I'll read a new book; I'll get a tattoo; I'll call my mother every Sunday; I'll get a massage, but what about the big changes: I'll quit smoking; I'll eat less; I'll drink less; I'll learn a new language; I'll start a new job; I'll write a book; I'll volunteer more -  where is the difference?  

The difference is in the perception.  The perception of how much you are able to do alone - that is by yourself - and where you need support to make that real change.  Changing your life style; your intake of drugs and foods; your quest for knowledge and new surroundings; your thirst for purpose are all big changes that will be painful and slow to come about - remember the little changes and how fast they are to implement.  This is how I see it:  when I hurt for a quick change, I sweep the kitchen floor, and it looks better than before!  But when I hurt for a profound change, I let it happen organically.  And what do I mean by that?  I have the wish, and I let it percolate in my mind, my heart and my body, and then, at some point changes take place, but slowly and not only coming from me, but from my peers, my friends, my places, my situations, and my influences.  This is a long process and therefore, can be wished for every new year!

Happy 2011 ~

i have added nine photos to my gallery page, and each photo is matched with a word -

listen to your sensibilities when you look at the images and listen to the words -

what happens?